hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
