Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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