I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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