How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Randomize
