FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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