So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
