I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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