i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
