I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
