dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
