my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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