Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Its about making memories worth repressing
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
