theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
