thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
