I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
God gave him joint rollers for hands
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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