well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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