yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
