yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
