I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
