remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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