My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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