so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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