this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Randomize
