I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
