Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
