Pregnant stripper...not hot.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
