That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
