when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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