We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me š
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
And, by āmake you dinnerā I mean āhave lots of sex and multiple orgasms.ā So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
