using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
All the doctor said was why
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
