walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
