i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
