If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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