I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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