All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Randomize
