it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
