I puked a lego.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
