I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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