Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
