Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
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