I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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