Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
someone owes me an orgasm
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
