but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I'm always down for nudity.
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