based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
