Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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