I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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