I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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