I cut my penus on the lid.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Randomize
