five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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