It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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