You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Randomize
