When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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