i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
