You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
